


unfeel

by anon_drabble



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Based on a song, F/M, Jealousy, Light Angst, based on a galavant song, based on lyrics, fic inspired by lyrics, jumin feels everything, what am i feeling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 10:32:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16195760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon_drabble/pseuds/anon_drabble
Summary: today i really wanted to get this piece out. i really enjoy finding songs and lyrics to associate with other fandoms and characters. and when i was recently listening to “what am i feeling” from the show galavant, i was struck with strong jumin vibes. the song is originally for a villain and actually ends with a rather uplifting note but i needed it to end on a certain line for my purposes so i re-ordered the end. anyways the song isn’t perfect but i wanted to use the lyrics to express what jumin himself frequently doesn’t.this is for @juminweek for day 5, feelings/threads. i am technically a day late though auuuuugh. sorry i’m so bad with daaaaays.(formatting doesn't work as well between tumblr and here but i wanted to differentiate the chats so they're indented here. and lyrics are the italic lines)





	unfeel

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on my tumblr: https://anon-drabble.tumblr.com
> 
> if you have any requests, feel free to send them in.

Jumin felt the vibration of his phone, signaling a text. It was from MC.

“Hey, Jumin! Good luck with your meeting today! Let me know if they’re good candidates for the RFA party! Say hi to Elizabeth for me when you get home! =^._.^=”

How cute. He cracked a smile. It had been a long day at work but she had the ability to lift his spirits. If she just texted him, could she possibly be in the chatroom as well? With more hope and excitement than he usually felt, he logged into the RFA app. MC was online! A short conversation with her, even in the chatroom, was certain to end his day on a high note. He logged in to find her speaking with Zen. That’s right, there was a way to check if anyone else was chatting, wasn’t there? Jumin had forgotten to look at that line. He was typing his hello when the actor’s picture filled the screen. Jumin gave it a quick once-over. It was a flattering angle and Zen’s expression was the same as many of his selfies (did he only have three expressions for photos?) but it wasn’t a work of art. Zen had many other promotional images that were more flattering. But MC fell for the bait and was fawning over him, giving him all the compliments he wished for. Jumin logged out without saying anything.

_What am I feeling?_

Suddenly he felt far more exhausted than he had before leaving work. Strange. No matter. He’d have a glass of wine and a nice, quiet night with Elizabeth the Third. That would recharge him. It always did.

A few hours later, Jumin was still fatigued but he thought he had forgotten his earlier moodiness. He decided to drop in and visit the chatroom. He spoke with Yoosung a bit (the boy was talking about building something for extra points of damage but Jumin didn’t understand all of the language Yoosung was using) when MC logged in again. Yoosung gave his customary quick and excited greeting, asking if MC had eaten. Jumin gave a simple hello and he was pleased to see MC respond with more cat-like symbols and what she and Seven called emoticons. She was an energetic girl, the type that usually exhausted Jumin. But she understood him, he knew. She had never been interested in his money, nor the inside information on running C&R. She was simply invested in the RFA, as Jumin was. But truthfully, he did feel a bit closer with her than most of the others. Everyone else called him a robot but he was certain he couldn’t be one. He’d bled when he had scraped a knee as a child. Robots didn’t bleed.

Zen logged in again and was quickly joined by Jaehee. Suddenly the chat was very lively. Before long, Jaehee commented on Zen’s latest picture and the change of subject left something of a sour taste in Jumin’s mouth.

_Is it a feeling?_

MC joined in right away and Jumin’s grip on his phone tightened until his fingers stiffened. He glanced down, loosened them before they cramped, and frowned slightly. Why had he clenched his phone? He saw a quick comment in the chat.

> ZEN: Wow! I feel great after a cute girl like MC complimented me! I feel like I can do anything now!

Jumin’s hand was almost in a fist.

_Could I be feeling, somehow?_

> MC: I know you can do anything, Zen! You’re amazing!
> 
> Jaehee: I second this. Zen, you are so talented. I have no doubt the rest of the world will soon take notice!
> 
> ZEN: I’ll have to work hard to live up to your praise! Praise from beauties like you means more!
> 
> Jumin: That’s very superficial.
> 
> ZEN: What did you say, trustfund kid? We know you sweet-talk all of your business clients.
> 
> Jumin: As you said, that is for business. And I do not lie. I simply leave out their faults, even if that leaves me with very little to talk about.
> 
> Jaehee: …
> 
> MC: Jumin, that’s a little harsh, isn’t it?

There was a definite frown on his face now.

_All this time, I’ve never truly had one._  
_Why would I be starting now?_

> Jumin: I should be leaving now.

Jumin logged out quickly. He put his phone face down away from him but he still heard the faint sound of the vibration from a text message.

 _If it’s a feeling,_  
Truly a feeling,  
Why is it hurting me so?

He felt uneasy. Almost energetic but with absolutely no desire to do anything. He felt antsy, almost. Thinking about Zen and MC in that chatroom. Normally Zen’s flirting wasn’t anything to take notice of. It was his usual behavior. Just because he was talking to MC, it shouldn’t matter.

But it did. Jumin didn’t like it. He didn’t enjoy the thought of MC smiling at her phone from Zen’s words.

_Could it be my first one is a bad one?  
How am I supposed to know?_

If she smiled at her phone because she was talking to Jumin, that would be better. He would prefer that. But he’d left her alone with Zen. Not truly alone, as Yoosung and Jaehee were there. But it did mean that she couldn’t smile at something Jumin said. Instead, she could be smiling for Jaehee or Yoosung… Or Zen.

_Is it meant to make your insides ache?_

Jumin almost felt sick to his stomach. Too much wine?

_Meant to make your chest go tight?_

He took a deep breath but it didn’t fill up his lungs. It was as though Elizabeth the Third was sitting on his chest, preventing him from getting a full breath.

_Meant to make you sweat and shake?_

Jumin stood and went to his window. He opened it, letting the air filter in from outside. Normally, the city’s skyline lit at night was calming. It helped Jumin clear his head. But instead, he wondered if MC might like the view. Then he thought of how she’d said she wanted to ride with Zen on a motorcycle. But she had turned down Jumin’s offer to ride in his helicopter. Why?

_How could anything like that be right?_

Jumin turned from the window. The usual things were not alleviating his uneasiness. Even the seconds seemed to slow down. Nothing kept him distracted from his thoughts and the ever-present tightness in his chest.

 _If I am feeling,_  
Some stupid feeling...  
Why can’t it just go away?

Perhaps it would be best to sleep. Start fresh the next day. Then everything would be fine again. Jumin prepared for bed. He didn’t fall asleep as quickly as he usually did but eventually, he drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

The next morning, Jumin awoke at the normal time. He followed his morning routine of finding Elizabeth wherever she was sleeping, and admiring her beauty. He found it the best way to prepare himself for the day ahead. Reaching over to turn his alarm off, he remembered the night before. Frowning, he read the short text MC had left him.

“Jumin, why did you leave so suddenly? I’m sorry if we hurt you. I hope you can forgive me! Please have a good night and wake up feeling better tomorrow morning, okay?”

She could read him so well. She was the only one who could. He doubted anyone else had worried for him the night before. He was certain Zen had complained about his abrupt departure. Jaehee would be business as usual, which Jumin honestly preferred. But MC always somehow knew. He wondered if she extended the same kindness to all the others. Knowing her, she definitely did. It wasn’t that Jumin was special to her. She was special to him.

_Why did all these feelings have to start?_

So. That was it. MC was special. Jumin knew what that meant. If his father was any guide, Jumin would soon lose all sense. Perhaps he already had. After all, he was letting Zen get to him.

Of course. Zen was bothering him now because MC was so different and special to Jumin. Zen was flirting and MC may have been interested herself.

The realization made Jumin’s heart sink. Jealousy was unpleasant.

_Tearing at my armor-plated heart?_

He was annoyed at letting anyone get to him. MC had caught him off-guard and it had led to this situation. But while MC and Zen got along, they clearly weren’t together. Jumin would never be able to let the issue rest with that sort of unknown hanging over him. He’d had to confirm with MC. Perhaps he could make her sign a contract where she would not respond to Zen’s flirting. That was what Jumin would do, then. Talk to MC and clear up the ambiguous nature.

_What if, god forbid, they’re here to stay?_

Jumin actually felt somewhat confident. MC certainly knew him. She could unravel him when even he didn’t know how to process events. She grounded him but also kept him from being too serious. Jumin responded to MC’s text from the night before in the car with Driver Kim. She replied quickly. Had she been holding her phone? He smiled. It might have been hoping for too much to wish she had been waiting for him to text her but he enjoyed the idea. Maybe he should start texting her at the beginning of each day. Just so he’d be the first thought she had every day.

It felt like the day at work passed quickly but also, far too slowly. Jaehee was eager to leave on time in order to get some new piece of merchandise from Zen’s new show but Jumin wanted the day to end to give him the opportunity to speak to MC.

Having safely arrived at his penthouse, Jumin was already dialing MC’s number before he had fully removed his shoes and jacket. She picked up quickly. He felt that was a good sign.

“Good evening, MC. Have you eaten?”

“Hi, Jumin! I’m glad you called! I went for a walk today and I met the sweetest kitty! He was brown with black socks! Isn’t that so cute? Like he had stepped in something dirty or black paint! He let me pet him for a little while. I hope someday I can pet Elizabeth the Third!”

“I’m certain you will have the opportunity. She has the most luxurious fur. I’m sure you cannot imagine it.”

“That makes me want to pet her more! Jumin, that’s mean! You can’t always keep her from me, okay? You promise?”

“MC, I assure you. If I had your address, a car would already be on its way to pick you up.”

MC laughed and Jumin smiled. He was certain she was interested as he was. “So, what can I do for you tonight, Jumin?”

He heard some background noises and imagined her making dinner for herself. He wondered if she was a good cook. “Actually, MC, I did have something to discuss. A proposition of sorts. I would like to invite you out for dinner. Perhaps here at my penthouse or another restaurant. I regretfully cannot pick you up but we could arrange to have my driver meet you somewhere nearby. I believe a proper date would be the best place to discuss anything further.”

He already had a pen in his hand and he was ready to clear his schedule whatever day she wished. It would be their first date of many and it was important to plan it properly.

“Oh. Um. Wow, Jumin, that’s...unexpected. Um, thank you. Really.”

_What is this feeling?_

MC continued, “But, well...I thought you knew…”

“Knew what?” he asked, not allowing the doubt that was already building to cloud his vision.

“I’m really so, so sorry, Jumin. But… Well… I really like Zen. I like you, too. A lot! But you’re a really dear friend to me, you know? And I guess Zen is...more than that. I’m sorry. A-Are you okay?”

_Is it a feeling?_

“I see. Very well, then. I wish you the best of luck. I must be going now.”

“Jumin, wait! Plea--” Jumin hung up before she could finish.

He sank into a chair and felt Elizabeth rub his ankles, looking for her nightly cuddle.

“Mrow?” she asked when he didn’t immediately pick her up.

“I don’t like it, Elizabeth the Third. This is far too unpleasant.” The last time Jumin remembered feeling so numb yet so tight was at Rika’s funeral. And yet this still felt worse. The idea of Zen made Jumin’s eyes narrow. A dear friend, she’d called him. But Zen was...more. He had something Jumin did not. Jumin was not _enough_. He would never be enough for her.

_How can I unfeel the way I feel today?_


End file.
